Navigating the Wild World of Modern Dating: A Personal Journey

Hey hey! If you’re new here, welcome! It’s great to have you! Today’s blog is about my dating journey. While it might not be bad for everyone, it’s definitely been a rough ride for me.

Over the past year, I’ve learned a lot about myself, including my dating goals. I’m working on being more intentional and dating for something serious instead of short-term happiness. After a five-year “on and off” relationship, I’ve healed and thrown myself back into the dating pool. And, baby, I can't swim, so you know what that means!

The Scary World of Modern Dating

Dating nowadays feels like diving into a mixed bag of surprises – some pleasant, some not so much. It's scary because you never truly know what to expect from people. But to find out, you have to wear your heart on your sleeve.

Not too long ago, I was seeing a guy who started off nice but quickly changed the script on me. He had a whole "arrangement" planned that I didn’t agree with, but I went along with it to make him happy. No dates, no phone calls, no foreplay – all he wanted was my body. It was so annoying because I actually liked the guy and enjoyed his company when we first started hanging out, but things changed. Even to this day, I still want to know what he was thinking when it came to me, because he surely showed me he didn't care about me at all. That's one of the worst feelings to have because it's like a slap in the face. After our last encounter, I ghosted him. From that day forward, I promised myself I wouldn’t let a man use me for my body. He either offers me everything I want, or he gets nothing. I’ve stood by that ever since.

Takeaway: Respect yourself and set clear boundaries. You deserve someone who values all of you, not just your body.

The Affection Dilemma

Another issue I’ve encountered is that I’m not affectionate enough for most people. I’m working on it, but damn, people don’t even give you a chance to be comfortable and genuinely know if they truly like you. Men often want you all over them after day one, and while some women are like that, everyone isn’t. I want someone to help me reach a healthy balance. I did date a guy who never pressed me to be affectionate with him, and he was VERY affectionate. But he gave me time to get comfortable and feel safe around him. Once we were able to break that barrier, I was touching him all the time; even in small ways by putting my foot on his leg. I'm sure it wasn't easy for him, but I loved that he liked me enough to wait. Is it so hard to believe that some people need a genuine connection to be affectionate? Apparently so, because I’ve experienced this too many times. I understand why men want affection – I couldn’t imagine being in a serious relationship without it. I just need a little time to get there. Plus, I’m naturally shy when it comes to dating, but people never believe me when I say that.

Takeaway: It’s okay to take your time and wait for a genuine connection. True affection grows with trust and understanding.

What people are probably thinking when I tell them "I'm working on being better at affection":

The Challenges of Modern Dating

Let’s talk about going on dates. Women often have too many restrictions, men don’t want to feel used, women expect dates to show interest, and men don’t want to spend money on women who aren’t genuine. So many factors play into this, and my advice is to do what works for you and your person. There’s no better way to get to know someone than in a mutual, comfortable setting where both parties can be themselves without mixed signals. Nowadays, everyone wants to “chill,” but why would you want to come to my home when you don’t even know me? I could genuinely be a serial killer, but I guess you won’t find out until it’s too late. Seriously though, what’s so hard about going on a date? If you don’t want to take someone on a date, you shouldn’t be dating!

These are my tips when planning a first date:

• Ask each other what your interests are. You could have a dinner date, coffee date, movie date, hiking date, etc. Pick what works for both of you.

• Pick a place that is mutually convenient.

• In my opinion, always involve food.

• Don't overcomplicate things.

• If your date wants to pick you up, LET THEM!

• Dress nicely, smell good, and be polite.

• Remember that both of you are learning about each other, so give each other grace and LISTEN!

Learning to Set Boundaries

I remember going on a date with a guy who asked me a lot of questions during the planning period. I was saying whatever to make it easier on him. When I went to therapy that week, my therapist pointed out that I wasn’t putting my own expectations out there. She asked, “Do you want to drive, or do you want him to pick you up?” I said, “Pick me up, I hate driving,” and she followed up with, “Okay, so why did you tell him it didn’t matter?” That’s when I realized I had a PPP – a people-pleasing problem. After that, I reached out to the guy and told him what I actually wanted for the date (I didn’t change much), and he agreed, willingly taking on my changes. We had a great time, but he was a little too lit, and it was an eventful night. Afterward, my therapist asked, “Is that how you want someone you’re dating to be on dates?” I answered, “No, not really.” She said, “Exactly, you have to start setting boundaries for yourself so that you aren’t constantly dating people who don’t fit with you. It’s okay to want more out of someone and to voice how you want to be treated.” I had to start telling myself, if you speak your mind and the guy falls back, he wasn’t for you. This has helped me to not waste my time as often. People know what they want from you, so if you go ahead and eliminate one of those things, you can eliminate a lot of bad apples. Speak up for yourself and stand on your boundaries. The RIGHT man will respect that and give you even more. Trust yourself.

The New Era of Dating

We often try to date like we’re in the ‘90s, but this isn’t ‘90s dating, baby. We’re in a new world with social media, the men vs. women era, and the no-marriage-just-sex era. There’s so much to sift through, so you have to be genuine to yourself and intentional about what you want. When I start dating someone, I let them know I’m currently abstinent. If they can’t handle that, I’m okay with cutting ties. Some respect it, some don’t, but all I know is you play by my rules or get out of the way!

Takeaway: Be upfront about your values and expectations. The right person will respect and appreciate your honesty.

Dating sucks because you have to go through the bad apples to get to the good ones. But you have to do it. You can’t shut down just because some people don’t date you the way you want. Have discernment, get the wrong people out, and the good ones in. Balance a few, and once you realize you have a good three, keep them. Once you find your favorite, keep him and remove the rest. Take your time and be on your own timeline. Those who really like you and want to get to know you will respect all your boundaries and standards. You can’t pour from an empty glass, so always speak life into yourself and choose you first. Self-love is the best love to have!

Your Turn!

What about you? Have you had similar experiences in your dating journey? Share your stories in the comments below or connect with me on Instagram. Let’s navigate this crazy dating world together!

Instagram